Hi.  This is a winding road across the soul of a real Black girl.  There are greatly inspiring, mildly retarded, sweet, hilarious, sappy and sometimes horribly sad stories to tell.  The ride will be hilly.  Be easy.

So yeah.  There’s this one girl, right? I know her, although not that well.  It’s a really odd relationship when I actually sit and think about it.
She’s the girl you work with or see out on the nightlife scene, really nice, but distant. You’ll have this remarkably cool convo and exchange with her, and a true camaraderie…but you just can’t get near her.  Not really.  You don’t feel like she’s really your friend, but you like totally love her. And she’s nice and stuff….(thought trails off)

Yeah. Well. Anyway…

That’s not what this story is about.

You see, word on the grapevine is that THIS girl we been talking about – is falling in love.  And the truly curious part of the situation she’s in is that the guy seems to be falling too.  Like, totally stupid “on the phone like eighth graders” type of stupid, giggly gushiness.

A cynical person could develop a healthy case of emotional envy and irritable bowel syndrome over listening to her revelation over this new and exciting phase of her life.  She’s been really humble about it – kind of in her own mind tripping over it.  Walking around with a confused look on her face.  It’s sort of sweet, actually.

HateHateHateHate.

But yeah, so I won’t digress…I’ll keep going.

Yeah, man, so THE GUY is actually falling too. Whoa.  A conundrum.
Why, you ask?

Well, this stupid motherfunkin’ chick messes up and meets the dude on the NET.  Yeah…it’s another social media connection. I KNOW, RIGHT!?

I thought, but didn’t say – FOOL… come back to your senses. You met the dude on the internet? I’m judging you.  Sorry.
What the hell kinda connection can you have from a person you can’t verify, can’t meet quite yet?

(Spoiler Alert: THEY HAVENT EVEN MET YET) tsk tsk…

As you can hear, I was the first cynical voice to speak up. I mean, she chose to tell the girls in one of our little convo sessions her plight and asked for realness…so I (lightly) gave it. Girl, we’re in our late 30s now, what the hell? How can this work?  Who is this dude? What if he’s crazy?
How can you really get to know him? What the hell?

Other people in the group asked stuff about sex and come to think of it, add that to my list too. In addition to that, I’m concerned about safety of heart, mind and murdered body too, ya dig?  Convince me chica. #imjustsayin

So then it’s her turn to retort and defend herself.

Icy flawlessness and more confidence than we’ve ever seen in her is what she spews out in her reply.

She says, it’s beautiful, tender, thoughtful, full of great conversation and she feels more compassion and energy than she’s felt in years. As she tells her story of the time spent clinging to the dreams, secrets and memories that “we” take for granted, or never bother to discover in physically-present relationships, the story is both divinely inspiring and devilishly threatening.

Say What?

She continues. “We actually get to know each other on a deeper, more intimate level because we can’t see each other.” She says she’s not really able to do anything but follow her heart, because the window of time for this to all be a cruel joke is long passed.  This guy is pursuing her, romancing the shid out of her, and daring to reveal his inner self to her, willingly.

She traced her left eyebrow with her finger, defiantly, and sat back down.

At this moment, I’m stuck in the vision of her standing up over everyone in a testifying-in-church kinda way, and I giggle in my mind when she dropped the invisible mic when she was done. Wow.

We’re all quiet. Wallowing in our uncomfortable reality that most people truly do “own” physically-present relationships that are empty and lifeless, or are outright fraudulent,  and based in sex. Even if it’s great sex.

Somewhere in the room, someone says it out loud. “It’s Just Sex.”

Damn you, Truth.

Another voice has turned into a 12 year-old girl asking first time love questions – even though she’s a twice-divorced mother of 3.
“So how can you be sure he feels the same way?” Aren’t you scared to be hurt again?  The last time was devastating for you.

The others are sitting wide-eyed listening, dreaming in their minds. Oh man, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. A lump in my throat.
Feels like we’ve been duped by our own hurt feelings and hardened hearts.  Dammit.

She responds. “Listen. The other night, he called me with Jamiroquai playing in the background.
Didn’t say a word…just started to sing.

touch me in the night time

all I want from you is love

and I know you can give me

such sweet moments

to last me so long

and make me feel so strong

all I wanna do is spend a

lifetime with you baby

and make it happen

all I wanna do is spend a lifetime

with you

oh girl

all I wanna do

is spend a lifetime with you

baby

cause you make me feel that good

and nothing else matters

until you’re in my arms girl…

and all those broken promises

we made to each other

we have so much more to give

i know that we can do this

that’s how i want to live

eternally together

Somebody in the room is freakin’ crying. Lord Have Mercy. As we sit silently, pondering the mis-education we’ve received all of our lives,
her phone buzzes… it’s him.  Just connecting…didn’t want nothing. Wow.

She says aloud, “Nothing is a guarantee. But this right here, I’m doing.”  Balls to the wall. “As long as he gives me a reason, I will give him access.” “And the times we meet will be delicately planned and protected, and special.”  She smiles.  Have to admit, that’s a helluva story. She found a complicated, nearly impossible to resist, tender, mature connection on the Innernets.  She’s also completely un-phased by the cynicism and the backlash of “friends, loved ones and onlookers”.   Whatever happens, it’s kind of a growth moment in her life.  Which is pretty cool when you really think about it. A journey into the unknown.  Roll the dice.
I’m kinda smiling at her givenchy. (word to Wendell B. Harris, Jr. and Chameleon Street)

I’m gonna give some real thought to this. Not really on the possibility of finding love on the Net, I mean, that’s been proven to work in lots of situations.  My thinking will be more along the lines of what we’re missing by putting our money where our mouths are – for little return on investment in these relationships we’re having today.    What are we really getting out of it?

Join me in the reflection… The Ballad of A Real Black Girl.

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